Feeling torn between the life you want and the life you have

My sister, Beth gifted me a book entitled THE DICTIONARY OF OBSCURE SORROWS. Yes, it’s an odd title for something intended to bring Christmas joy, but it is a book about new words that attempt to define emotions, moments in the human condition for which there are not already adequate, descriptive phrases. This is how I stumbled upon Ozurie: It is the story of my life. I am torn between what I want and what I already have.

I have always wanted to live on a lake. Be careful what you wish for. We have the lot, replete with beautiful views and a developing neighborhood. We do NOT have a house. Not yet. I’m not sure that I fully grasped that making this dream come true would entail selling our home, moving away from our family, and living in a truck for a year or more, while the architects and builders mess around with site maps and permits. Well, yes, I guess I knew it would have to be done, but actually doing it is a whole different ballgame. Ozurie. <sigh>

We have been living in Big Bertha (pet name for our often troublesome motorhome) for over a month, but we were cheating. We were cozily snuggled into an RV park that was close to our old home. We could still go to the gym, shop at our regular stores, see our friends, get the kids on the school bus each morning, and spend time with our extended family. We were thoroughly enjoying the luxury of having our cake and eating it, too.

The holidays were approaching and I was vehemently opposed to starting our RV voyage before Christmas. My husband, let’s just call him Ebeneezer, wanted to head south before the weather turned wintery. He claims that he never wins. He won.

Christmas would just have to come a bit early. I did not want to be the guy with garlic in my soul or termites in my smile. I needed carols, and candles, and twinkling lights. Fortunately, Cherry Hill RV Park also rented cabins, so we procured one, put up our cheesy, white, dollar-store, mini-Christmas tree, and prepared to ‘make merry’ in a very minimalistic way. We had no room for wrapping paper, large gift boxes, frozen turkeys or real trees. This year would be a Bah-Humbug year.

The cabin table boasted a maximum seating capacity of six. A sit-down, formal dinner was impractical. No roasted goose or figgy pudding for us. Instead, we opted for seafood snacking. It was a watered down version of the Italian Feast of the Seven Fishes. With only crab, salmon, shrimp and stuffed clams, it turned out to be the feast of the four fishes. Who’s counting? At least there were plenty of cookies.

“The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.” – Burton Hillis

Perhaps this gathering will not be featured in any upcoming Hallmark, Christmas movies but we played lots of games, drank lots of wine, stuffed our faces full of food, and shared a great deal of laughter. I love this crowd. Family is everything, which is why it was so difficult to get into the motorhome and pull away the next morning.

I hope Santa fills my stocking with lots of Facetime.

It was a tearful departure, raining both inside and outside of the cab as we headed down I-95. I was staring ahead, feeling empty, when a car pulled up beside me, frantically waving in an overly emphatic pantomime, indicating that a door was wide open on the passenger side of the RV. It was the door that was just fixed under warranty. That’s right, folks, the Griswolds are back in full force, and Bertha continues to plague us with her menu of maladies. Thankfully, we were able to force it closed and get on our way.

After a rainy evening, we awoke to a clear, crisp, cloud-free dawn. It was good to enjoy a long hike, clear my head, and focus on the discoveries to be made on the journey ahead of us. They say there is a reason that the windshield is so much bigger than the rearview mirror. I will concentrate on looking forward. That is my resolution for the upcoming new year.

Did I mention that I always wanted to ramble endlessly in an RV? Be careful what you wish for.


2 thoughts on “Ozurie

  1. I watch Hallmark movies, but they invariably make me roll my eyes – a lot! Your story is much more interesting – and makes for a great Christmas story. Write it up – maybe Hallmark will be smart and buy it!

    I think we learned after living away from our families for so many years that holiday celebrations are whenever you get together with your family – the actual day isn’t really all that important (I’ll happily take the wine and seafood over goose and figgy pudding any day!)

    Have a wonderful trip and a very merry Christmas wherever you wind up!


  2. Love it dear friend!! You are so creative….. wishing you safe travels and it is possible, you just may have the most memorable Christmas ever with Big Bertha and gang. Love you, Maryrose


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